


Vetting

by nightofdean



Series: Bruce Banner AU's [1]
Category: Now You See Me (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 12:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12365634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightofdean/pseuds/nightofdean
Summary: Dylan doesn't know how normal people do the thing, guess it's good the Avengers aren't normal.orDylan finds the most complicated way of finding out who the heck his twin's new friends are.





	Vetting

The security was so tight at the Maria Stark Foundation that you could bounce a penny off of it. Which was why Tony was having a problem figuring out what had just happened, he'd even forgotten the one - not two - thumbs of whiskey that he was in danger of dropping it, it was gripped so loosely. 

 

The ballroom was in chaos and if it hadn't been for JARVIS and the quick CCTV playback on his phone then he never would have seen it. What the hell? 

 

He'd been talking to the Governor of New York when it happened, nodding in the right places and laughing at the politicians god awful jokes. Then the shouting started up, indignant squawks more like. Tony ignored it for now, drama like that happened at these things. 

 

The Governor ignored it too and they continued swapping idle chatter. That was of course a mistake. As commotion erupted from the other side of the ballroom and Tony could clearly see a fight breaking out. Or something like that. 

 

A man shouted the same as last time, indignant and...whiny. Which was exactly when a hoard of suits rushed in guns raised and identical scowls plastered on. Tony wasn't watching them though, carbon copy suits weren't interesting. It was the suit casually walking in the opposite direction, the one with dark curls and brown eyes. 

 

Tony watched transfixed, he knew it wasn't possible, yet here he was seeing it himself. And he would swear he glimpsed the barest hint of a smirk. 

 

\--

 

Sometimes Thor liked to pull out a map of the United States and pick places to visit. To the obvious consternation of Tony Stark who complained that he knew all the best places to visit and that pointing at places on the map was inefficient. 

 

Thor simply shrugged and set off to New Orleans, after Tony told him it was a city and known for being a tourist trap. Among other things. 

 

Among other things did not quite cover what New Orleans was. Thor quite enjoyed the sights, the cathedrals seemed to touch the skies, the streets were cobbled, and there were many horse carriages. The horse carriages were for tours and those interested in the cities histories. Thor took the simplest tour around the city, listening the horses hooves as they met stone. The sound and rhythm of the carriage reminded him of home, despite the fact that Asgard's horses were larger and the carriages grander. 

 

The city was big and rich with many things to experience, he wanted to see more, but it was quickly nearing noon and he had yet to eat. Thor had walked himself to a residential area and was quite lost, if he asked someone - 

 

"You lost?" 

 

The voice was familiar and if Thor was not mistaken. 

 

"Dr. Banner." 

 

Thor turned around and it was indeed Bruce Banner although something was different. There was a red headed woman standing just off to the side, her posture relaxed just enough to convey openness yet at the same time it kept her loose and ready to attack. 

 

"Thor." Bruce said shortly, this man was unlike Bruce Banner. His posture was too relaxed, his speech was smooth, and his eyes piercing. "What brings you down here?" 

 

"Vacation." Thor responded, matching the strangers tone. 

 

The red-head's gaze never left his face, watching him. "Ok then, well you're in the wrong...side of town for that. You must be hungry, this time of day. I can suggest a few places you can go to to get some authentic creole food." 

 

The stranger waved his hand at the red-head as he talked leading Thor out of the neighborhood and giving him verbal directions. At the end of the block the red-head already stood there, waiting with a pen and paper.

 

" _Merci."_ The stranger said as he took it from the red-head and she stood again at his elbow. On the paper the stranger sketched out the direction back into the French Quarter and how to get to the restaurants he mentioned. 

 

Thor thanked the stranger and waved goodbye. 

 

The man had looked just like Dr. Banner. 

 

\-- 

 

Steve went on grocery runs for two reasons a) it pissed Tony off and b) it was therapeutic to actually do something manually these days. 

 

He'd gotten the eggs, milk, bread, and tea that Bruce had requested as Steve was walking out. Bruce was looking a little wired that morning and Steve suggested less time in the lab and the scientist told him he had it under control. 

 

The sound of a hundred metal cans toppling over broke Steve's train of thought. Steve ran out of the baking isle and saw the fight breaking out, two men pushing each other back and forth. One sand blond and tall, the other short and bottle blond. There wasn't any obvious reason for their fight and there wasn't anyone else around...well besides a business man checking out. 

 

Steve moved to break the two men apart from their fight and if there yelling was any indication then they were fighting over a lady. Steve rolled his eyes and pushed the men apart and told them to act like adults and that a grocery store was not a fighting arena. He honestly didn't care if they beat the heck out of each other so long as it didn't make the store employees have to clean up their mess. 

 

Steve finally got his things and got in the check out line, which was exactly when he noticed his wallet missing. He hadn't dropped it when he broke up the fighters. He'd have noticed. 

 

The fighters were just moving into the check out line, beer and taquitos moved along the conveyor belt. The business man had bought exactly one tomato. Steve looked around, patting his pockets, in the hopes his wallet would materialize. 

 

The fighters spotted his predicament, the shorter of the two eyes widened. Steve followed the man's gaze and saw the business man marching toward them. Suddenly, Steve didn't see a business man anymore, he saw an agent, possibly federal or S.H.I.E.L.D. 

 

The Agent's hand twitched as if for a gun, the thieves stood frozen and Steve's throat dried. The Agent's arm drew back and red, seed filled red splattered the short blond. 

 

"Bang." The Agent said, pointing at the thief. 

 

All Steve could think was,  _he bought that tomato just so he could throw it at that thief._  

 

The Agent zip tied the thieves in their confusion and called the police to pick them up. He patted down the thieves in search for Steve's wallet and handed it to him. Steve clamped his mouth shut when he saw the man's face. 

 

The man seemed to notice and sighed in defeat. "Agent Dylan Rhodes." He held out his hand for a handshake and Steve grasped it. "Can't lie to Captain America can I." 

 

\---

.

"So, Rhodes, busts an oil monger at the Maria Stark foundation for embezzlement, then he gives Thor directions - "

 

"Out of a bad neighborhood too." Thor chips in, he noticed that Rhodes - apparently that was his name - had emphasized that point. 

 

"Then he tells you where to get some of the best creole food and he has a friend that can't - or won't -  speak English." Tony is getting tired of not knowing what is going on and they can't tell Bruce about it. They all unanimously made the decision after the first encounter of the dopple-ganger. Tony was definitely on board with that, Rhodes could be an evil clone, made to mess with Bruce.

 

As far as Tony can tell, the way Rhodes operates is not something that Bruce would approve of.

 

"As far as we know. She could have been pretending, from all of your different stories this guy seems to be a completely different person. Sounds government or assassin." Barton said,  his face scrunched in thought. 

 

"Assassin." Tony squeaked, "No way. This guy isn't a killer." It was mostly the image of Bruce's face hovering over him killing him coldly in his sleep that freaked him out. 

 

"I agree."

 

"Verily." 

 

"Whatever you say. But this guy is definitely a professional." 

 

\--

 

Clint was on his perch about to take his shot at his target. Some scum of the earth slum lord that makes his money off of sex trafficking and keeping his clients drowned in mountains of debt. Clint was going to make sure this one hit the bullseye. 

 

The target sat his fat ass down for a game of poker. Going to lose all that dirty money. He was just about to take the shot when another person sat down, a very fucking familiar person. It was Rhodes, the description fit suit, posture, eyes. 

 

Clint would wait until Rhodes got bored of the game and left, as he waited Clint couldn't help but wonder what the hell the man was doing at a shit-hole like this. Did he work for the slum lord, associate with him perhaps, or was he pulling a job on the slum lord. It didn't matter. Whether or not Rhodes left in time, Clint would take the shot. 

 

They were a fair ways through the game and the slum lord was losing and making high bets. Rhodes had a pile going on his side, unconcerned one way or another. He must know about the slum lord's tendency to kill anyone who tarnishes his image. 

 

Oh, fuck. He knows, Clint is here. He wants Clint to take the shot when the game ends so he can walk off scott free. Clint has half a mind to not shoot Rhodes for having the - for ordering him around. 

 

The game is about to end and Rhodes is up by a thousand and is visibly bored which is ticking of the slum lord off who is demanding how Rhodes is cheating. Rhodes waves it off with a flick of his hand and was that, yeah, he knows the signal for  _shoot._

_C_ lint takes aim and pulls and the bullet whizzes through the air and cuts into the mans skull cleanly. Clint doesn't even bother to watch as Rhodes pilfers the slum lord's pocket to find only tens and twenties. Shouldn't have banked on that thousand and the pockets of an untrustworthy slum lord. 

 

\-- 

 

"Nat, you don't give me enough credit." Dylan said in his most obnoxious tone of voice. 

 

"I give you only the amount of credit I think you deserve." Natasha said, as she spread jam on her toast. 

 

Dylan shot an offended look at Bruce, like he'd been shot in the heart. "I'm just the mediator here." 

 

"Oh please, Banner, you aren't innocent in this little club." said Natasha, waving her hand emphasizing 'their little club'. 

 

"Mediator." 

 

Bruce glared at his brother, and jabbed a finger at him. 

 

"FBI watchlist." 

 

"Giant green rage monster." 

 

Natasha rolled her eyes at the brothers antics and reached out blindly for her toast and found only air. 

 

"Rhodes I'm going to kill you." Natasha's eyes narrowed on the faux agent, especially the piece of toast dangling from his mouth. 

 

"Hey, finders keeper - " 

 

"You neurotic kleptomaniac I'm going to shove that toast down your goddamn throat." Natasha was halfway across the marble island and Bruce half-halfheartedly attempting to stop her. Natasha's toast was still held hostage between Dylan's white teeth.  

 

"Whose, getting what shoved down their - whoa!" Tony said, as he took in the scene, eyes big and definitely simmering with some kind of mischief. Dylan bit off the last of the toast, Natasha yelled and Bruce ducked. 

 

"Don't kill him, too much." Bruce said, from his knew, safer spot by the stove. 

 

"Oh, I didn't know you cared." Dylan shouted from the headlock Natasha had him in. 

 

"Yeah, guys I'm actually serious. What is this?" 

 

"Breakfast." said Natasha, her headlock tightened and Dylan turned blue. "Spit it out, bad dog." 

 

Dylan made a strangled series of wheezing coughing sounds. "What's that?" Natasha turned her head as if to hear better. More coughing wheezing sounds. 

 

"Uh, He can't breath, Natasha." Tony said. 

 

"I know that." 

 

"Fucking hell, crazy bitch." 

 

Tony went pale, this was it, Natasha was going to commit cold blooded murder right in front of him and he'd never see her the same way again. 

 

"You too, asshole." 

 

Nope. This was far worse. 

 

Bruce groaned loudly. 


End file.
